The complexity of belief
by artemisgoddess16
Summary: Castiel tries to understand why it's so hard to relate to Jimmy and Why Dean is getting him so hot and heavy. LEMON sexual content Cas/Dean COMPLETE


The complexity of belief

Don't own, don't sue please!

A/N: Read or Regret:

I just wanted to write a Dean/Castiel fic because it's my friend's new obsession. Most of it is probably wrong cause I haven't watched most of the 4th season. And if you are looking for a point, you're not going to find one, looking for purpose, it isn't here, this is smut and sex and if you have a problem with it, go and stop wasting my time. Criticism of grammar and sentence structure is fine. NO FLAMES.

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Castiel sat on a wretchedly uncomfortable chair in a disgustingly filthy motel waiting on an intoxicated brat to return. In the recent months of looking after Dean Winchester the angel had a come to adopt an unsavory view of the human world. In heaven the place hadn't been romanticized per se, but he had certainly thought it'd be a hell of a lot better than this. Fighting demons in an incorporeal state had been more ideal than being trapped in this mushy vessel.

Perhaps the main reason he was so frustrated with the human condition was that he did not understand it. Castiel was used to things making sense. In heaven there was god, who always knew the ultimate goal and as an angel he had experienced complete and utter faith that everything would turn out perfectly because it was in god's hands.

On the other side, as a human he experienced the ultimate weakness, doubt. He doubted whether the vessel would survive the apocalypse, he doubted god would be able to take care of everyone in this master scheme, and most horrible of all, he doubted whether or not the dumb-ass charge of his would be home before dawn.

Castiel hated this wishy-washy wavering part of his conscious brain. It didn't make sense! He wanted it all to be perfectly clear to his human eyes, but unfortunately god had not decided to bequeath this knowledge to the insignificant vessel. He could not imagine going through life like this every day with this _uncertainty_ for even 2 years. He had no idea how humans could stand it for a minimum of 70 years _and still want to live_. Castiel wanted to know what on god's green earth could make all this shit worthwhile.

Just as he was ready to bash his vessel's head into the wall, Dean Winchester decided it was the perfect time to appear in the dingy motel room.

"Hey Cas, Where's Sammy?" Castiel could feel the burn of alcohol on Dean's tongue as if it were himself who had been drinking. He probed gently at the bond between them and noticed that once again his charge had found comfort in a woman's touch instead of dealing with his issues.

"He went to investigate a lead on a demon." Dean nodded, accepting the answer and beginning to chew on his lips. Castiel became annoyed with Jimmy's accelerated heart rate at the sight. As if it weren't taxing enough to have to deal with all the other human needs, Jimmy's body had decided it carried a rather large torch for the older Winchester. The vessel as it had turned out was bisexual, which didn't bother Castiel as much as it would his brothers, but was honestly distracting when he was trying to talk to Dean. Like now for instance, Castiel was trying admirably to remember why he had come here, but all Jimmy could think of was how good it would feel to have Dean suck him off.

"We lost greater numbers today." Castiel managed to sound cool between bursts from Jimmy's hormones. Dean looked up from having been browsing the fridge to stare clueless at the angel.

"So what? Was it someone I knew? Did you want me to hold your hand or something? Start a group therapy session? " The blatant sarcasm grated on Castiel's nerves but Jimmy only found it charming. This divided nature of his was becoming a downright curse. He wondered if god just found it amusing that Castiel was struggling so hard.

Even being here had caused a fight with himself. It was true they had lost more to Lucifer's army, but Castiel himself didn't care, they had all been fallen for a greater cause. But Jimmy had decided it made him feel lonely and wanting to be near Dean with an almost painful intensity. So Castiel had given in, with the hopes to seal some of the rift between him and the vessel, but it had the complete opposite effect. Jimmy was using all of his will to force his body onto Dean, but Castiel remained sitting, certain the action of screwing Dean Winchester would have dire consequences.

He was so tired of feeling ripped in half. He wanted to feel whole. He wanted to be at peace. He wanted to be free of doubts.

"Castiel!" The angel whipped his head around so fast it caused neck pain. He quickly scoured the bond looking for any kind of distress. When he found none, relief quickly backpedaled into anger. Seeing the Winchester standing right over him, did not help to contain the fire.

"What?" He barked with force that was completely unnecessary.

"Jeez man you seemed kind of spacey. You went into that whole brooding serial killer look, like you couldn't decide if you wanted to of me now or later while I slept." The topic was completely off, but Dean had nailed the feeling of division too closely. Castiel couldn't stand loss of control, even if it was over something as minute as facial expression. So he decided it was time to end this. He wanted his two halves to be whole and he wanted it now.

He wanted Dean.

The hunter looked surprised as he was roughly pulled into Castiel's lap. His gasp as the angel forcefully brought their lips together was nothing less than satisfactory. Castiel could almost hear the click of his and Jimmy's minds combining. He smiled into Dean's lips on his on accord, now wanting Dean with all of Jimmy's passion. The angel once again weaved his way through the bond to make sure this was alright with Dean, because he had a part in it too.

Castiel almost fell out of the chair laughing. Apparently Dean had been feeling just as much sexual frustration. He wanted Castiel and had jerked off quite a few times to the imagined feel of angel wings on his arms. It was almost too perfect.

"Why are you laughing?" Dean looked so adorably confused with kiss reddened lips and lust lidded eyes. Castiel smiled in reply and brushed his lips to Dean's softly, making the young hunter forget his outburst.

The kiss started as a mere brush of lips, but quickly became heated as Dean suckled Castiel's lower lip. This caused a retaliation of roughly shoving his tongue into the man's mouth. They dueled over supremacy with teeth clacking together, tongues slipping over one another and clumsy lips trying to find purchase through all the mess.

Dean began rubbing his growing erection against Castiel's creating the delicious feel of friction with the clothes. They decided it was past time for each other to be disrobed and hastily threw off clothes in every direction, groaning as their naked sexes finally made skin contact. Castiel attacked Dean's weakest point, his ears, and nipped and licked until the hunter was suitably flushed and groaning regularly.

Dean knew how to get back at the angel though. Leaving Castiel's lap to retrieve a bottle of lube. Once he returned to his prior position the man began coating his fingers and running them very discreetly up his ass, giving Castiel the perfect motivation. The angel almost trembled at the sight of Dean being so intimate. He wasn't going to stand it for much longer. He got the tube away from Dean and slicked himself up.

Dean laughed as the angel forcefully removed the fingers. His laugh turned into a raspy moan as Castiel entered him. The pleasure was almost too intense. He almost lost it as he felt Castiel's wings encircle them. Dean began rocking back and forth grasping the hard back of the chair to keep balance.

Castiel was almost to the edge as he felt Dean moving and quickly began jerking off the hunter. Everything blurred into a series of motions all they knew was heat and flesh. They climaxed mere seconds apart each screaming the others name.

This, Castiel thought, must be why they want to live so badly. He gently lifted the spent hunter and laid him on the bed, carefully sliding in next to him. The hunter fell asleep soon after and Castiel had to ignore the stirrings of something in his chest that was too new to be called love but much more powerful than lust.

When he finally settled down to sleep it was only then he realized Jimmy wasn't a separate entity and never had been. It had only taken Castiel that long to figure out the source of their "division". Jimmy had known they needed Dean. Castiel just didn't want to admit it. Because any loss of control was an unacceptable one. And that he finally figured was why being in heaven and being human were so different. The human side knew what they needed and went for it, but the angels, they were too busy following faith to understand the complexity of belief.


End file.
